How To Shine Despite Setbacks

Life is full of ups and downs.

So much so that a quick google search on quotes about life will have you scrolling endlessly on why the lows are just as important as the highs.

However, when you’re amid a setback, the last thing you need is another positive quote or people on social media shouting from the rooftops about how amazing their lives are! Am I right or am I right?

Setbacks are an inevitable part of life, and it can be challenging to pick yourself up and continue shining after experiencing one. I get it, I really do.

Whether you got excited about that client who was definitely ‘in’ and then they pull out last minute, or you just started feeling strong again at the gym and injure yourself on the first exercise or maybe even been ghosted after every goddamn date you’ve been on in the last 3 weeks. It’s a sh*tty feeling and knocks the wind out of your sails.

However, it's important to remember that these crappy setbacks are the perfect opportunity for growth and development, and with the right mindset and approach, you can emerge stronger, more resilient and shining!

Now before you stop reading or roll your eyes…go with me on this.

Life is something hard. It’s not all rose and no hangovers. There is something rewarding about achieving something that you’ve had to sweat over a bit.

I’ve navigated my own fair share of tough situations and built a resilience that allows me to shine despite the ‘setback’ I have.

It is not always easy. But life doesn’t come with a manual for success or a rule book, which means you get to decide what that looks like for yourself. And you get to pull on other people, like me or others in your life, who might have walked the path you’re wanting to walk so you can avoid the pitfalls, potholes, and problems they encountered along the way to the same destination as you.

I have worked with and coached hundreds of incredible men and women into getting back on track and finding their light once again after life hands them a few too many lemons.

The step by step on how to shine despite setbacks

1. Feel the feels

Accept and learn ways to process your feelings. When we first encounter a setback, we can often go into default behaviour that's unhelpful; punishing ourselves, speaking negatively, losing our sh*t, panicking about wtf to do next and catastrophising things further. So, before you start to ‘move on’ you have to accept things as they are, as difficult as that may seem. By acknowledging your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them fully, you allow yourself to start the healing process. It's okay to be upset, angry, or sad, sit with your emotions, journal on them, scream into a pillow, have a poor me day, cry on a friend's shoulder…feel all the feels. But try not to dwell on these emotions for too long…as Winston Churchill famously said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

2. Reframe the situation

Once you’ve sat in your feels, instead of focusing on what you've lost, or the setback you have encountered, start to look at what you have gained from the experience. How is this helping you? Try to see the setback as an opportunity for growth and a chance to learn from your mistakes. I like to think that even the sh*ttiest of situations is likely saving me from an even sh*ttier one! How you choose to think about your setback will determine how you move beyond it and what comes next. Stay stuck in the emotions or actively reframe to start moving forward?

3. Get support

You absolutely do not need to do this alone. For some, asking for help is hard, but sharing a problem offers up the opportunity to see it from a different perspective - which helps with the reframe above. Surround yourself with supportive people who lift you up and encourage you. This can include friends, family, mentors, or a therapist. There are SO many people out there that want to see you doing well, living life on your terms and are ready and willing to step in and provide the support you deserve. Having others there to hold your hand, cheer you on or just give some gentle reassurance can be a game changer when it comes to taking those next baby steps.

4. Focus on what you can control

Empower yourself by focusing on the things that you can directly influence and control. Instead of worrying about things outside of your control, which you can’t change or do anything about, focus on what you CAN do to improve your situation. Trying to control the uncontrollable is a huge waste of energy. Focus on what you can actively do to change, influence or guide things in the direction you want. Take practical steps, within your control to overcome the setback and move forward. These will vary based on your situation - think of how what your preferred outcome would be and start to get clear and take action that’s going to get you there. Don’t cheat yourself by becoming a victim of this.

You are in control of where you go from here.

5. Keep things in perspective

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” – Zen Shin

Just because you’re having a setback, doesn’t mean you’re now losing in the ‘race of life’. Don’t go comparing yourself to others or punishing yourself for ‘failing’.

Remember that setbacks are temporary Keep your eyes on the big picture Cultivate gratitude for what you have or are learning. Bring yourself back to the present moment. Remind yourself that you will come out of this experience stronger and more resilient.

Everything always works out, always. You might not initially like what's happening, and there will be a gift in it if you choose to find it. Dig deep. You can do this.

6. Keep moving forward

Keep moving forward. Yes, of course, moving forward can feel difficult, sticky, and absolutely impossible at times, but no matter how challenging the setback may seem, it's important to remind yourself of the things we’ve talked about above and keep moving forward. One small (maybe hesitant) step at a time. If we aren’t growing, we’re stuck and the way we get unstuck is by taking action and moving forward. Slow and steady wins the race.

This setback does not define who you are or place a limit on your potential.

Keep shining

Perfection is not part of your job description.

Perfection is not part of your life goals.

Perfection does not exist.

It’s a made-up connotation that society believes to be true most of the time.

You are perfectly imperfect, and the world wouldn’t want you any other way.

Setbacks are going to happen, things will go wrong in life, and at times it’s going to really suck. Having the right mindset and approach to overcome them is what will get you through. By accepting and processing your feelings, reframing the situation, seeking support, focusing on what you can control, keeping things in perspective, and moving forward, you can shine despite setbacks and emerge stronger and more resilient.

You are more powerful than you realise. And resilience is a superpower. Cultivate it when life gives you the opportunity.