Are you holding yourself back?

Imagine the following scenario:

You wake up in the morning excited for your day, you’re achieving the goals you set for yourself at the start of the year, you feel the healthiest and most energised you’ve felt, and you are truly grateful for every moment, even the less than ideal situations because you know exactly how to handle them.

Sounds great, right?

So, why aren’t you grabbing these opportunities and getting the ‘eff’ on with it?

Well, more than likely you’re holding yourself back from stepping into the person you need to become to reach these goals and create the kind of year ahead you want.

And I totally get it.

Becoming the kind of person who sets big goals, gets what they want, lives life on their terms is scary AF.

Why?

Well, if we set a goal and (gulp) commit to it internally, let alone externally, there is a possibility we might fail them.

And if we start to do all the things, we think we need to be doing to bring them about we still fail, there is nothing to blame. You can’t say, ‘oh well, it didn’t work out because I didn’t go all in.’ and then use that as a way to not feel so bad about yourself, because there is an 'excuse' or a 'reason' to hide behind.

Setting a goal and doing what’s needed means whether you win or fail, you’re accountable. And that’s confronting. And terrifying, that all this is down to you.

Trust me, there is nothing wrong with you. It’s perfectly normal to feel scared. You’re human. And your human brain is hard wired to keen you safe and perhaps it perceives this goal as making you unsafe (let's unpack that in a different blog post!).

However, if you’re looking to shift your mindset, up-level your life and expand into the person you truly want to become, you have to put your big pants on and stop holding yourself back!

Spending time getting clear on what you’re looking to achieve in life or business, getting clear on your goals so you can achieve them takes time, dedication, and momentum.

You can’t skip steps. It doesn’t work that way.

Let’s take a look at 3 reasons you might be holding yourself back from achieving those goals. Not to mention some actions and advice you can take to actually achieve them.

Side note: these are three of the main areas I often cover with clients when looking at their goals and next steps and whilst it’s all well and good to read this and write down some clear goals for your future, unless you action them, you’ll still be stuck dreaming about them. Taking action is KEY here.

It’s time to stop holding yourself back…

3 things to consider when reassessing your goals and the reasons you may be failing before you even get started.

1. Limiting Beliefs

Okay, before we dive into this topic, I want you to know that as a human it is completely and utterly normal to have negative thoughts creep into our minds, or even unhelpful self-talk come out of our mouths.

A limiting belief is thought or state of mind which you think is truth that will prevent you or hold you back from doing certain things in your life. Not only that, these beliefs aren’t just about yourself, they can also be about the world around you, your business, life philosophy and other people.

More likely than not, your negative self-talk and limiting beliefs are holding you back from achieving what you truly desire, and this kind of BS has no place in your thinking, because this THINKING governs how you FEEL which dictates how you ACT. Creating daily habits which can hinder you in creating and having what you want - in other words achieving your goals.

Examples of a limiting belief are:

• I’m not good enough for…

• I don’t have enough time…

• I’m not smart enough…

• I could never reach that goal…

• I don’t deserve…

• I can’t do…

These limiting beliefs and negative thoughts in your mind are keeping you stuck in an unhelpful cycle and they’re preventing you from doing the thing you want or need to do to bring about the change you desire.

How frustrating is that?

Knowing that you’re more than capable of achieving your goals, but the way you think about yourself, and the world is hindering you from taking action.

However, being aware of that is the first step in changing what you’re thinking, so you can start feeling and therefore acting differently.

When you become aware of some unhelpful thinking, or you catch yourself saying unhelpful things to yourself, I want you to ask yourself a few questions:

“Is there any truth in this?”

“What if I’m wrong?”

“What evidence do I have that supports this?”

This automatically has you start to introduce doubt into what you're thinking. Which takes away its power. It will feel less impactful as you consider that what you’’re thinking or saying to or about yourself might not be true.

Once you’ve introduced doubt, I want you to consider what you’d rather believe instead and state that.

I like to introduce it as something I am working towards vs something that’s already true for me which allows my brain to accept it more easily, for example:

Rather than saying, ‘I have everything it takes to reach this goal.’ - which is a great positive statement to tell yourself; you might come up against some challenge in your brain as you don’t fully believe that yet, else you wouldn’t be thinking some of what you are…

Instead, trying saying, ‘Even though I have doubts about my ability to reach this goal, I know I’m doing everything I can to support myself in making it so.’ - this allows the brain to acknowledge the doubt you have whilst also reaffirming in a positive way your ability to get there.

2. Finding your WHY

Next on the list is your lack of clarity on your WHY.

But you might be thinking:

• I am clear on my goals.

• I am clear on where I want to go.

• I am clear on how to achieve them.

But are you really?

Yes, you might have written them down and have an outline of what you’re going to do to get there, but have you actually sat yourself down and asked yourself WHY?

What’s your WHY? Your motivation? Your driver?

• Why that particular goal?

• Why is it important for you?

• Why do you really want to achieve this?

Identifying this WHY will help you connect with the motivation or driver behind the goal.

So many people don’t do this and then when the sh*t hits the fan and things get tough, they don’t have a deep completing reason for WHY they are doing this hard work or pushing themselves in the way they are. It can help to keep us on track and connects us back to the reason - the WHY - we want it.

It’s great if you want to hit a 50k month in your business, lose those 7lbs or finally run that 5km without stopping, but WHY do you really want that? What will it bring you?

What will you get from achieving that?

Now, before you start to panic and become overwhelmed with goal setting, I want you take a breath. The aim of this is not to bog you down in process, but to connect you to the feelings and driving emotions behind your goals.

Knowing the reason WHY you want to achieve something is your biggest motivator. It’s the reason that when you’re feeling stuck, or you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning, or eat the salad, or do the THING, you think back to your WHY and it helps you to make the choices needed to stay on track.

So, a few steps to get really clear on your goals. Your WHY and WHAT you want to achieve:

Get clear on WHAT your goals is

Connect with and write down your WHY

Capture how you’ll feel when you achieve it; what are you doing, who are you with, what does it mean, bring it TF alive!

Remind yourself of it multiple times a day - put it somewhere that you can see.

3. Diminished Desire

Serious question here.

Do you really want it? Or do you think you want it?

Seriously.

I sound like a broken record when it comes to helping people, like you, achieve their goals, listening to why you haven’t achieved it and figuring out what support you need to change that; you’re too busy, you don’t know how, you feel overwhelmed, you can’t seem to get motivated…

And what it often comes down to is, that maybe, you think you want it, but actually, you don’t.

At some point you absolutely did.

But maybe things have changed, and you haven’t changed or updated what you want in line with how you or life has evolved. So, you’re holding on to past desires and goals and then wondering why you just aren’t motivated or can’t seem to do what’s needed to get there.

Sometimes what we think we want, is not actually what we want anymore.

This means that the goals we are setting ourselves are not aligning with our purpose or life direction. Now, this doesn’t mean that this goal won’t be achieved, it just means it might not be aligned with where you are in your life right now. Meaning it’s not relevant or desired at present.

So, trying to find the motivation, and taking the right action to move you closer towards it, feels like pushing water uphill.

You don’t need to beat yourself up over it, in fact, your ability to recognise that the goal(s) you have are not the right ones for you right now is incredibly liberating. It’s giving you the space to set yourself up for success and create goals that are meaningful for where you are right now.

So many people will avoid this step whilst continuing to pursue goals that just aren’t aligned with them anymore. You end up feeling sh*t about yourself, because you’re not doing the things needed, start telling yourself all kinds of cr*p about how useless you are when you aren’t) and losing motivation not only this goal, but every other goal because you’re eroding your self-confidence and self-belief in going after something you’re not motivated by.

So, what should you do instead?

Get clear on what's important to you. Revisit your WHY. Be honest with yourself about what you are or aren’t willing to do. Be flexible with how you go about achieving what you want for yourself, maybe the aggressive plan of action you have is just too much.

Adjust the timeline for the goal or put it on pause for now.

This doesn’t mean only committing to the easy to achieve goals, it just means knowing what you are capable of right now and how aligned your goals are with this current version of yourself. Importantly, challenging your limiting beliefs to make sure they aren’t what’s holding you back and messing with your brain - you can do anything, you just can’t do everything.

What next?

Great news, you’re now aware of some of what may be holding you back! And with this newfound insight you might be feeling a little bit overwhelmed with what to do about that!

• Recognise how you aren’t showing up for yourself - own it.

• Take actionable steps to become the version of you who achieves your goals.

• No-one else can do it for you - so get the f*ck on with it.

If you are feeling lost, stuck, lacking mojo or clarity, my Rhi.Discover program might be exactly what you need to re-ignite that fire, align you back to yourself and start creating life on your terms with purposeful action.

Let’s chat. Book a consult and take control of your year ahead looks like.