5 Signs You're Settling in Life

Do you choose the easy option?

The most convenient, even if it doesn’t fully give you what you want?

There was once a time in my life when I would choose the most convenient option.

Which meant settling for less.

It was easier to live that way, it was comfortable, but it came with compromises along the way; having to choose a dress that fit but I wasn’t overly excited about, the relationship that I had invested in, but wasn’t filled with joy when we hung out and the job that filled my bank account but not my heart.

What I thought was convenient was actually me settling.

I chose to stick with the comfortable option rather than take a path that got me what I really wanted instead.

I know I won’t be the only person who’s done this. I’ve seen it with friends, clients and others around me, settling for less than they deserve due to comfort, convenience and familiarity.

But why do we do this?

Settling in life creeps up on you. It can happen to anyone, and you often don’t realise till you find yourself in ‘settle-ville’. Maybe you're settling right now and have no idea (are you?!), so it’s important to take a step back and check in with what’s going on in life. How are you feeling? How are things going? Is life how you want it?

Learning to recognise and understand the signs that you’re settling is a really important self-awareness to develop. That way you have the opportunity to take the plunge and make the changes you deserve.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling un-challenged, lacking growth, feeling stuck or not taking a risk because it’s easier not to, it may be time to reassess and make some changes!

There is so much goodness to be had on the other side of moving out of your comfort zone. The more often you do this the easier it becomes. Life really is for you to create. What. are you doing to create it? It’s easy for life to become a repeat of the last year, and the one before that..

If you want to earn more money, what are you doing about that?

If you want to meet someone, what are you doing about that?

If you want to feel better in your clothes, what are you doing about that?

Start to notice places in your life where you are settling. And decide what you want to do to change that.

Let’s look at some tell-tale signs you’re settling, shall we?

1. You’re stuck in your comfort zone

That pesky comfort zone.

The one we all love and adore because it makes us feel safe and secure.

But it can also be a huge tell-tale sign that you’re settling.

If you find yourself rejecting new ideas, feeling as if you’re living life on ‘repeat’, or continuously complaining about one thing and doing nothing about it (we’ve all been here) — you’re probably stuck in your comfort zone.

Now, your comfort zone isn’t always bad, but if you’re looking to grow into that badass woman you want to be, stepping outside of your comfort zone will be the most important thing you can do for personal growth and development. It allows you to learn new things, take on new challenges, and become an upgraded version of yourself that is ready and prepped for this badassery you want to embody!

2. You aren’t going after what you want

Tell me what you want, what you really, really want…

If you don’t recognise those lyrics from a Spice Girl song, we can’t be friends ;)

No, but really - what do you want?

Why haven’t you gone after it yet?

Not enough experience?

Too much on right now?

You’re not ready yet?

Stop.

There are two reasons you’re not going after what you want; you don’t know what it is that you want and/or you’re scared.

Either way, both land you at the same place, you’re settling.

Knowing what you want and following your dreams can be scary and challenging.

In fact, following your dreams is terrifying.

The reality is, you DO know what you want, because you know what you don’t want. So, in the absence of more clarity that’s a great place to start. You’re scared you’re not capable of it or deserving of it. You’ll figure it out as you go. That’s how life works.

Putting yourself into new places and situations is hoe you get to where you want to go.

Following your dreams might mean failing at times, but f*ck it, what’s the other option? Carry on as you are?

It’s time to kick it up a notch. If you aren’t pursuing your dreams, you’re probably missing out on opportunities to live a more fulfilling life.

3. You’re making excuses

You might think you’re fully in control of your thoughts, but in actual fact, your brain isn’t always working in your favour. Your brain is an ars*hole at times.

Its primary function is to protect you, but in that process of doing that it can also f*ck you over by keeping you settling.

Research has shown that people tend to decide what to do with their emotions first and make up the reasons why afterwards, it’s called the introspection illusion.

If you’re feeling a little nervy about a potential change coming up and make up the excuse that you aren’t ready for the change just yet, it’s not the right time, or you don’t have the ‘know-how’ to do it… that’s your pesky subconscious at work.

Excuses are here to make us feel better. They are also a tell-tale sign that you’re settling.

Making excuses is an easy way out, allowing you to avoid taking risks or facing the possibility of failure. However, this mindset can lead you to miss out on opportunities for growth and development.

What’s really behind the excuse? By allowing yourself to make excuses, you’re ultimately limiting your potential and settling for less than you deserve.

4. You’re negotiating and it’s not in your favour

Ever sat with yourself or others and negotiated with yourself about the reasons you didn’t need something?

Things like, not really needing to go to the gym, not asking for that pay rise, cleaning up your eating habits, sorting out the spare room or doing the paperwork that you know is going to make you feel like a f*cking rockstar afterwards?

When you negotiate with yourself about what you can or want to do in that moment, rather than thinking about what that action or decision is going to give you beyond that immediate moment, you're probably settling.

Don’t let temporary discomfort stop you from living a purposeful, happy life.

You might be thinking:

I don’t need more.

And you might not.

Desiring more is not a bad thing, you’re allowed to want more of what makes you feel good and what lights you up. If you’re allowing yourself to settle for less-than-ideal situations, people or other things in life, for the sake of discomfort, or to appease others, guess what?

You’re settling.

Look at the bigger picture. If you’re stuck because you ‘think’ you’re doing yourself a favour, you’ll stay stuck in a cycle of unhappiness and lack of fulfilment.

Be brave, strive for more.

5. You’re constantly complaining

Are you a Debbie Downer?

We ALL have our Moaning Mertle moments every so often. Damn, they feel good sometimes!

However, when you spend more time complaining about your circumstances rather than changing them, you’re 100% settling.

The time you’re spending complaining about what you don’t like, or that doesn’t work, you could be doing something about it.

Complaining is a habit. A negative, unhelpful habit.

It’s also a sign that you're settling because it indicates that you're not satisfied with your current situation but you're not taking action to change it. You're fixated on the negative aspects and sitting in a self-sabotaging cycle, going nowhere fast.

If you’re constantly complaining, you’re probably feeling stuck and resigned to your current circumstances, rather than taking steps to improve them. When you find yourself starting to complain, start to find solutions. What can you do about the things you’re complaining about?

So, now you know the signs, what can you do about them?

3 ways to overcome this:

1. Take a risk and go after what you want

Take more risks and have fun doing it! Risks can be fun. It’s part of finding out who you are and what you want. Step outside of your comfort zone, embrace new challenges and experiences to push yourself to become the kind of person who lives the kind of life you want. If you want more of something, what are you doing to get that?

2. Get clear on what you want or what you want different

Get clear on what your passions are or what you want more or less of in life. Don't let fear hold you back from pursuing your dreams and the things that light you up. It may be challenging, and feel a little daunting, but with a little self-belief, a touch of bravery and the right support, you are more than capable of having what you want. Just effing go for it…you have one life.

3. Attitude of gratitude

Instead of focusing on what you don't have, take time to appreciate what you do have. By adopting a mindset of gratitude, you can overcome the urge to settle and instead strive for more. Write it down, seriously, this was a game-changer for me. Speak it out loud and tell people what you’re grateful for. Be present in the moment and enjoy and appreciate life as you are experiencing it. It’s liberating and if will radically transform how you feel about your life.

Settling is fine for a season, but not for a lifetime.

If you need to settle for a short time because circumstances dictate it, make sure it’s a temporary glitch in the system.

I had to do this when my Dad was sick. I couldn't deal with pushing forward in life and taking over the world when he was so unwell. It also took mw a but of time after he died to get myself back on track, so be kind to yourself. 

Make sure you don't get stuck in that place for too long. It's unhelpful. Take messy, imperfect, or well thought out action to pursue the life you want and deserve. Just take action.

If you are feeling lost, stuck, and unsure of what next steps you could take, book a consult call and let’s chat!